Grandma

Today was the funeral for my Grandma Lifferth. She was a remarkable woman who was loved by many. She had 13 children, 86 grandchildren, 159 great grandchildren, and 5 great-great grandchildren. That totals 263 descendants. WOW!

Grandma Lifferth died on Monday afternoon, having just turned 91 last Thursday, October 20th. She had an amazingly strong body, but suffered from Alzheimers which robbed her of her mind and personality. For the past 10 years we, her family, watched her deteriorate. And for the last few years of her life, she was unable to walk or communicate.

I've talked before about my Grandma and what an amazing person she was. She had so many Christ-like attributes and lived a life of service. She is someone I aspire to emulate, but I know that I am a long way off. She truly was an angel on this earth and now she is dwelling with the angels above. She will be missed.

I was able to visit my Grandma in the hospital on Saturday, the day before her passing. I went with my parents and we were there for probably five hours or so. At one point, around 9:00 pm (I think) the hospice nurse came in to talk to the family. By then most family members had gone and only a handful remained. It was very interesting to hear her talk about death. She said that she worked for 12 years as a nurse in the ER before becoming a hospice nurse and has seen death on both ends of the spectrum.

As an ER nurse, she saw tragic accidents and unexpected deaths and as a hospice nurse, she has seen long, drawn out illnesses and expected deaths. She then told us that if she could choose the way she will die, then she would choose cancer. Needless to say, she didn't know that somebody with terminal cancer was in the room. She said that with cancer, you know you are going to die and your family knows you are going to die. You can grieve and say your goodbyes. You can also be on painkillers and be very comfortable. With the recent news of my Dad, it wasn't something I wanted to hear, but my optimistic Dad said, "I guess that's good news for me!"

I've thought a lot about what she said. While I hate, hate, hate what is in my Dad's body, I would hate it worse if he died tomorrow in a car accident. My Dad also said earlier Saturday night that, "we are all terminal." And the hospice nurse later said, "we all have an expiration date, we just don't know when it will be." With the passing of my Grandma and with my Dad's health, I have been thinking about death a lot lately. I am realizing more and more that I need to cherish everyday that I have with my family. Life can throw a nasty curve ball at you when you least expect it and I don't want to have any regrets.

I am so grateful for the knowledge that I do have. I am so grateful for eternal families. I know that I will one day be reunited with loved ones who have passed away. The hospice nurse told us that if she had any doubt about after-life before, she is totally convinced now. She has had too many experiences working in hospice that has proven to her that there is life after this. One of the things that my Dad reminded us of on the night that we found out about his cancer, was that we are a forever family. It is a very comforting thought. I am so happy to be eternally linked to my family.

Until we meet again Grandma. I love you.

Bone Scan & The Golden Pills

The bone scan that my Dad had last Thursday came back clear. Yay! We all breathed a big sigh of relief yesterday knowing that the cancer had not spread any further. My Dad said he felt like doing a cartwheel when he got the news. I've never seen my Dad do a cartwheel before, but I'd like to!

Last week was really rough, but I think we are all feeling better so far this week. Both my Mom and Dad seemed in much higher spirits last night as we attending my Grandma Lifferth's 91st birthday celebration. Our family has been blessed with an amazing support system of family and friends. There have been so many kind words and deeds offered to my parents in the last eight days, and I know that it has helped them cope. My parents also both received priesthood blessings on Sunday, given by the former stake president and second counselor that my Dad served with for 10 years. I am so grateful for the power of the priesthood. The blessings were a great comfort to my parents.

The good news from the bone scan was damped a little by the fact that my Dad started his chemo treatments. I guess it just makes it all seem more real, and I have had a hard time accepting the reality of the situation. My Dad got his prescription filled yesterday and took his first pill last night before going to bed. He said that as he laid in bed he could feel some effects of the drug. He said parts of his body felt different and he got slightly nauseous at one point. He also said that for a brief time there was a funny taste in his mouth. But, overall he said he felt fine, slept good, and feels great today. I hope that continues, but worry that the side effects will increase. I don't want to see him suffer.

Also, the pills are made from gold!...well, at least they should be. The medication is called Sutent and it is ridiculously and absurdly overpriced. A 28 day supply cost $18,000! If you do the math, it works out to $642.86 per pill. Insane! I told my Dad that it's like he's swallowing gold every day. But, I don't think even gold is worth that much. My Mom joked that they needed to keep the pills in a safe.

Luckily my Dad is dually insured. Primary insurance is covering all but $4500, and then secondary insurance should cover the rest. The only problem is that my parents have to pay the $4500 each time they get the prescription filled and then insurance will/should reimburse them within 4-6 weeks. I am just hoping that my parents don't have to fight with the insurance company each month to get the reimbursement. But, what would my Dad do if they didn't have dual coverage? What about other people who don't have dual coverage? I hate to even think about my Dad having to forgo treatment because they couldn't afford it.

Again, thank you for your thoughts, prayers, and kindness.

Roller Coaster

I've been on a roller coaster this past week. If you know much about me, then you know that I hate roller coasters, always have. But the one I've been on is the very worst kind - the emotional roller coaster. I keep wishing I could go back in time to last Sunday, when life was simpler. My problems were few and insignificant. I've known people who have gone through great trials. I've seen others' face problems and wondered how they could handle such an ordeal. But, I've always been on the outside. So, while I had sympathy for what they were going through, I really couldn't relate because I didn't truly know how they were feeling. Being an outsider is kind of nice.

Last Monday we were given the awful news that my Dad has cancer. We kind of knew it was coming, but didn't think it was going to be so bad. We knew he had a lump and thought he might have to go through chemo therapy, and possibly another surgery. But, seeing as how he is a healthy guy and has always said he would live into his 80s, we figured he would be able to fight, conquer, over come, and be given a clean bill of health.

I guess I should start from the beginning and give the whole story.

Last December my Dad had some abdominal pains that sent him to the ER. After being examined, an x-ray showed that he had a tumor inside his right kidney. He was sent to a urologist and had surgery a few days before Christmas to remove the kidney. After the surgery, the doctor said that all went well and from what he observed it seemed that the tumor was completely contained within the kidney and that it had not spread anywhere else. A biopsy was performed on the kidney and then the kidney was sent to California for further testing. The results were not as promising. The cancer cells where found to be atypical and they were now not sure if they had spread outside the kidney wall. Still, my Dad said he felt great and didn't think there was anything to worry about.

Three months later my Dad had a follow-up appointment. Another scan found a couple of enlarged lymph nodes. Three months and another scan later, yet another scan showed that the lymph nodes in question had gone back to normal but another had become enlarged and there was now a small lump on a muscle below where the kidney had been. Through all this my Dad maintained his positive attitude and acted like there was nothing to worry about. Just a couple weeks ago, my Dad had another follow-up appointment. This time a scan showed that the lump had doubled in size. My Dad was referred to an oncologist and an appointment was set for the following week, taking us to last Monday, October 10th.

I knew his appointment was at 2:30 and at about 3:15 I almost called my mom to see how it went, but knowing how long doctor's appointment can be, I figured that they were probably still there. I went about my normal day-to-day business and was trying to figure out what I was going to do for dinner when I got a call from my mom. As soon as she started talking I could tell that she had been crying and my heart sank. She said that they wanted to hold a family meeting at 7:00 that night. I was desperate for more information, but all she would tell me was that, "the scenario for the cancer wasn't good." Those terrible words brought tears to my eyes and after hanging up with my Mom, I immediately called Brian and told him that our FHE plans to take a drive up the canyon to see the fall leaves were off.

I couldn't stop crying. Questions and thoughts of different scenarios ran through my head. How bad was it? Maybe the lump was larger than they thought. Maybe it had spread to another organ and he would need a transplant. But, with every scenario I came up with, I figured there had to be a solution and a way to cure the disease.

When we got to my parents home shortly before 7:00, my Dad opened the door and greeted me with a friendly, "Hello Jame" just like he always does. After others had arrived, we found out the horrible, awful truth. My Dad does have cancer, but his is a rare form. Less than 6% of kidney cancer is unclassified and he happens to be one of the unlucky ones. There is no cure. The lump is inoperable. I just couldn't believe what I was hearing. The news was devastating. My Dad is the greatest man I know and in no way deserves to be one of the "unlucky ones".

He went in for a bone scan last Thursday and we will know tomorrow if the cancer has spread into his bones. He also begins chemo therapy treatments tomorrow, in the form of a pill. He will take the pill for 28 days, then stop for 14 days, then back on for 28 days, and so on indefinitely. He will take the pills until his body can't handle it anymore. He has a 1/3 chance that the pills will shrink the lump, 1/3 chance that it will stop the growth, and 1/3 chance that it will continue to grow. Like all medications, the chemo pills have possible side effects, including: fatigue, vomiting, diarrhea, mouth sores, high blood pressure, drying and cracking of hands and feet, and last and worst of all, an infection.

I cried myself to sleep last Monday and after only sleeping a couple hours, I woke Brian up with more crying. I've never cried so much in my life and have never felt such sadness. I love my Dad. I have always looked up to him. He is hardworking, funny, smart, humble, and friendly. He loves and lives the gospel of Jesus Christ. He is a wonderful dad and grandpa and a loving husband. My parents have a perfect marriage. They love each other dearly and I hate seeing them face such a trial. Please pray for them.

The emotional roller coaster of this past week has been great. I have felt sadness and despair, anger and frustration. But I have also felt peace and hope, happiness and joy.

Joy came in the form of a fresh from heaven baby girl, born to Mindy and Marty on Wednesday, October 12th. They named her Megan Martie Eyre and she is beautiful.

Happiness came in the form of my three darling children, who even when I am angry and in a bad mood for reasons they don't understand, can find ways to make me smile and even laugh.

Hope came in the form of a talk given by President Uchtdorf entitled The Infinite Power of Hope that Mindy sent the family to read Tuesday morning. I especially liked the statement, "There may be times when we must make a courageous decision to hope even when everything around us contradicts this hope." It is a wonderful talk and I would encourage everyone to read it.

Peace came in the form of a ski lift ride at Sundance. It is a yearly tradition for Brian and I to take our family up Provo canyon and ride the ski lift in the fall when the leaves are changing. We invited my parents along and it was a nice ending to a very rough week.

Being in the mountains always lifts my spirits. It was such a perfect afternoon, the sky was clear and blue, the leaves were beautiful, and the temperature perfect.

I felt such peace as we road along. I have long since believed in a kind and merciful Heavenly Father. I know he doesn't give people cancer. But he is always there to comfort and sustain us in our trials. We can pray to him and he will wrap his loving arms around us.

I believe that there is great power in prayer. My parents, along with the rest of my family have felt the prayers of family and friends offered in our behalf. I also believe in miracles and am hoping that my Dad might be granted one. He deserves a miracle or two.

I have had the hymn Each Life That Touches Ours for Good in my head throughout the week. My Dad has touched a lot of lives. I think it is impossible to know my Dad and not love him. Today in sacrament meeting, our closing him was Each Life That Touches Ours for Good. I don't think that was a coincidence. It was Heavenly Father's way of wrapping his loving arms around me.


I love you Dad.

Weekend in Missouri

Ashlyn and I were lucky enough (due to free airplane tickets) to join my Mom and Dad on a trip to Missouri. It was a quick trip, leaving on Thursday, September 22nd and coming home on Monday the 26th. By the time we landed in Kansas City, got our baggage, and acquired a rental car, it was around 12:30 am. After driving for only about 15 minutes, we decided it would be best to get a hotel for the night, rather than make the three hour drive to Kirksville. We located a Comfort Inn and were, in fact, sleeping comfortably by 1:30 am. It was a good decision because A) we avoided any possibility of my Dad falling asleep at the wheel, B) we avoided being sleep-deprived and ornery the next day, and C) turns out we were very close to Liberty, Missouri and had the opportunity to make a quick stop at Liberty Jail on Friday morning.

One of my favorite stories about Joseph Smith happened during his time at Liberty Jail. Joseph Smith and five other men spent more than four months in horrible conditions at the jail. It was winter, and there was no source of heat. The food that the inmates were given to eat was often rotten, contaminated, and even poisoned. There were no beds to sleep in and some of the men were too tall to stand up straight in the six foot space. The guards were rude and cruel. One night as the inmates tried to sleep, the guards above them began boasting to each other about things they had done to the Mormons. Joseph Smith stood and said,

“SILENCE, ye fiends of the infernal pit! In the name of Jesus Christ I rebuke you, and command you to be still; I will not live another minute and hear such language. Cease such talk, or you or I die THIS INSTANT!”

Amazingly, the guards immediately stopped talking. Even as a prisoner, without a way to defend himself, Joseph Smith was not afraid to stand up for his beliefs.

I also learned a new story about Joseph Smith. Upon his arrival in Liberty, a number of men from the town came to the jail to see the new prisoners. Joseph Smith was the last of the six men to be led up the steps to the jail. Before entering, Joseph paused on the landing, turned and said, "Good afternoon gentlemen."

I think it is amazing that those are the words he chose to say. It truly is a testiment of his character. Now, had I been in that same situation, I would have said something like, "This is ridiculous! I haven't done anything wrong! I am innocent!" Just one the many reasons Joseph Smith was much better person than I.

The only downfall of our visit to Liberty Jail, was that when the lights were dimmed for the narration, the darkness and mob-like noises scared Ashlyn to the point of tears.

Almost three hours after leaving Liberty, we were finally in Kirksville! After unpacking and a little visiting, we met up with Aaron for lunch at Picklers and then watched the homecoming parade. The rest of the day wasn't very exciting (I took a nap, we went grocery shopping, and had dinner), but it was just nice being there.

On Saturday morning, we went to Ben's soccer game and after that, we went to Baconfest! That's right, a Baconfest! I'm not exactly sure why there was a Baconfest, but I believe it had something to do with collecting donations for the food bank. The Oscar Meyer mobile even came to town.
They had a couple bounce houses for the kids. But, the best part was the free BLTs.

Ashlyn skipped the L and T, and opted for a B sandwich.

A few local restaurants joined in the festivities as well, creating bacon filled sweets and treats. Just so you know, bacon ice cream is delicious, but bacon truffles are nasty. After eating the ice cream, I had such high hopes for the truffle and I'm sure a good one can be made, but the ones we ate were gross.

The next part of our day was the highlight and the sole reason for making the trip - Ben's baptism. It was a great event and I am so glad that Ashlyn and I got to see it.

Ben looked so handsome in his new suit! After the baptism, it was back to Aaron and Monica's house for root beer floats and chocolate chip cookies. FYI - one of the perks of living in an area with high humidity is being able to leave a tray of cookies on the counter for several hours and they are still soft and chewy.

Later that afternoon, Ashlyn enjoyed some swinging and then a few of us went on a walk around the block.

We didn't get to see Aaron much while we were there due to him being busy cramming for a big exam. But, he was able to meet up with us for dinner on Saturday at a local Mexican restaurant.

On Sunday, after attending Sacrament meeting, we took a two hour drive to Carthage, Illinois. We hadn't planned on visiting either Liberty or Carthage before leaving for our trip, but I am so glad we did! It was so neat visiting both places and my testimony grew.

The grounds surrounding Carthage jail are beautiful.

It was an interesting experience being in the place where the prophet spent his final days. The spirit was strong and I definitely gained a greater understanding and appreciation of what he suffered for because of his beliefs.

As we were arriving back in Kirsville, we witnessed a horrible accident. In front of us was a truck and in front of the truck was a van that suddenly veered off the road, over the curb and onto the grass. We wondered what in the world the driver was doing, when the van veered back onto the road. Just a second later, the van veered off the road again and headed straight for a John Deere store. Tractors went flying and the van crashed right into the store front.

We immediately pulled into the parking lot and I called 911. My Dad and I, along with a couple others who stopped, went to assess the situation. There was an elderly man (mid-80s?) at the wheel, but no others in the car. The man was unconscious and the car was still in gear. My Dad and the other men tried to get into the car, but it was wedged too tightly between the tractors and the store. Plus, all doors were locked. The police and the paramedics arrived quickly and broke a window to get in. The man was taken away in an ambulance and then my Dad and I filled out police reports of what we saw.

I have never seen anything like than in my life and would like to never see anything like it again. It was scary! Watching that van crash was like something out of movie. The poor man must have had a heart attack or stroke. My Dad tried to call the hospital later that night to see if he had lived, but they wouldn't tell him anything. I hope he made it.

My mom fixed a delicious Sunday dinner and once again Aaron graced us with his presence. It's a good thing the man has to eat, otherwise we would have never seen him.

Unfortunately, our trip came to an end the next day. Monday morning, we packed up and headed out. We had a little bit of time to kill, so we stopped at a local consignment shop. When we parked the car, Ashlyn said, "We aren't going to another jail, are we?" Poor girl thought we went to Missouri just to visit jails.

We were able to see Aaron and say goodbye to him after he finished up his tests. It would have been nice if we had a few more hours to actually spend with him, but we had to leave for the airport. Bummer. I am very proud of him for what he is doing. He will make a fine doctor one day.

This was Ashlyn's first airplane ride and she did so well! I was worried that she would take after me, but it didn't seem to bother her. She had so much fun and I loved being able to spend that one-on-one time with her, even if she did try my patience a few times. I think she was just too excited about being able to go on the trip.

When I asked her later what her favorite part of the trip was, she said, "Riding on an airplane. But, my most favorite part was Ben's baptism."

It really was a fun trip and I am so glad we were able to go. The only bad part for me, was having to leave the boys at home. I never like it when Brian and I aren't together and it was my first time being away from Luke. And the worst part was when Brian sent me a voice message from Trent saying how much he missed me and wanted me to come home. Broke my heart! Yes, it was a great getaway, but I was so happy to be home again.